I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
