Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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