There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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