Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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