Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
