I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
