I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
