Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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