My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
