beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
