oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
