Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
