Kiss
Puke
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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