I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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