I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
