i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
