I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
