Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
