we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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