Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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