It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
