for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
