What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Found your dick twin last night
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize