whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
