im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
