I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
