Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
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