so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We don't watch enough power rangers
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
