I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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