We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
