I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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