they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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