shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
