I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
