everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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