Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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