I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
