On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize