i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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