Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
