can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
