Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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