In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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