Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize