I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
