I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
