Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
