Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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