Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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