You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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