It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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