508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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