I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
