I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to calm my uterus...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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