yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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