I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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