I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
