Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
