Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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