Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
