I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
