so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't put those talents on a resume
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
