Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
