Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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