mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
