am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
