He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
