dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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