Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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