Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
