He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Alive.
So much puke
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
