The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize