Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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