Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Let's paint friendship bongs
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
