Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
