Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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