Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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