R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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