I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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