After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
not ubering you a puppy
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