My first STD was from a foam party
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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