No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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