Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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