He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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