i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i think i have herpe
just one?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
