just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
