just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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