Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
