She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
