We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She bit a glass in half.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
