Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
