atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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