its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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