Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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