Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
