fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
