I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
