My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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