as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
