we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
