need another drink. this is the easiest way
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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