Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
