I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
